I am a Principal with the Simcoe County District School Board who is passionate about connecting with others, co-learning and helping all students and educators to reach their full potential. My blog is a compilation of reflections on my experiences and learning. You can also find me on Twitter @A_J_Golding Thanks for visiting!
I have never used a SMARTboard. I didn’t use email, or even a computer until university. I’m still a bit taken aback when people refer to me as being “good with technology” because it doesn’t fit the image I had of myself for most of my life.
As a school administrator with a strong belief in not asking staff to do things that you aren’t comfortable doing yourself, I began to explore different digital tools that I hoped would support student learning, as well as my own professional growth. During the beginning of this phase I definitely lived the motto, “fake it till you make it”. However, the more I dabbled, the more I discovered that with technology, there is something newer and “better” around every corner. The fact that it’s impossible to keep up with the rate of change is a deterrent for so many educators who are beginning this journey.
After struggling with this for a while, I decided that I needed to be more specific in choosing a focus, and then go deeper into exploring how I could use it to improve my practice. That leads me to about a year ago when joined Twitter.
I had no idea how to use it at the time, but I knew that I wanted to be purposeful about using it to connect with and learn from other educators. It was at this point that I think I really began my journey into using technology as an accelerator to transform my own learning. It has challenged my thinking, caused me to become more reflective about my practice and it has connected me with people and opportunities that I never would have otherwise experienced.
Fast forward to today. I recently returned from Bring IT Together, my first “Ed Tech” conference, hosted by The Educational Computing Organization of Ontario. Had you asked me five years ago, this is certainly not an event that I would have either been interested in or pictured myself attending. I am pleased to say that I’m leaving the conference with a renewed sense of possibility, passion and pride in my chosen field of education.
My next step is to challenge myself by leading an online book study via Twitter. I have led a number of successful book studies with school staff, but leading one online is new territory for me.
How the idea came to fruition…first, I received feedback from staff members at my school that they were interested in reading the book Mindset, The New Psychology of Success by Dr. Carol S Dweck.
Typically, when I lead a book study, I ask that teachers commit their time outside of school hours in exchange for a copy of the book that they can keep. I was so pleased with the response that 17 staff from my school had committed to participate, that I posted about it on Twitter. Here’s where my planning took a change in course.
Donna Miller Fry (@fryed), an educator from Thunder Bay who I had never met, commented on my post asking me if I planned on connecting with others outside of my school community for the book study. This planted the seed in my mind that perhaps I could organize an online learning community for this purpose, but I still wasn’t sure that I had the skill or connections to effectively do this.
After attending the conference and meeting Donna in person during a session on Becoming Connected Learners, I took the next step and committed to give it my best shot, posting information on Twitter inviting others to join our book study. “Join some of the staff from Alliston Union school in Ontario Canada while we learn together and connect with our global professional learning network. Beginning Tuesday November 18, we will be meeting once a week, Tuesdays at 3:30 EST. We will discuss one chapter a week. A group of us will be meeting face to face, and I will post our questions and discussion on Twitter for others to join. I will be posting from @A_J_Golding and using the hashtag #mindsetbook”
I have no idea whether people will join online or not, but I can guarantee that it will be a learning experience, which is the most important part!
My goal is to continue to put myself out there and stretch my comfort level with the use of technology in my practice and I encourage other educators to do the same. Change isn’t always easy. The fear of embarrassment is a powerful deterrent, but we ask our students to take risks every day so we need to be models of risk taking in our own learning.
Start by choosing just one technological tool that you are interested in exploring and jump in. Don’t go fast, but really take the time to explore how to go deep with it and use it effectively. When in doubt, get your students to help and learn together. Then, I encourage you to share your experience with others as it is often through those rich discussions with colleagues that we learn the most!
“The most valuable resource that all teachers have is each other. Without collaboration our growth is limited to our own perspectives.” (Robert John Meehan)
Join some of the staff at Alliston Union school in Ontario Canada while we learn together and connect with our global professional learning network. Beginning Tuesday November 18, we will be meeting once a week, Tuesdays at 3:30 EST. We will discuss one chapter a week. A group of us will be meeting face to face, and I will post our questions and discussion on Twitter for others to join. I will be posting from @A_J_Golding and using the hashtag #mindsetbook. Please share and join us if you can, the more the merrier!
Dates and Chapters
Tues Nov 18Chapter 1- ‘The Mindsets’
Tues Nov 25Chapter 2- ‘Inside the Mindsets’
Tues Dec 2Chapter 3- ‘The Truth About Ability and Accomplishment’
Tues Dec 9Chapter 5- ‘Business: Mindset and Leadership
We will also touch on Chapter 4- ‘The Mindset of a Champion’
Tues Dec 16Chapter 7- ‘Parents, Teachers and Coaches- Where do Mindsets Come From?’
Tues Dec 23Chapter 8- ‘Changing Mindsets’
Chapter 6- ‘Relationships Mindsets in Love’, will not be one of the weekly discussion topic
Chapter 1. The Mindsets
Q1- What are you hoping to get out of this book study?
Q2- Share an experience where your students have demonstrated a fixed mindset.
Q3- Share an experience where your students have demonstrated a growth mindset.
Q4- What practices do some schools/educators have that promote fixed mindset?
Q5- What practices have you seen in schools that promote a culture of growth mindset?
Q6- How can you begin to embed growth mindset in your practice right away?
Chapter 2. Inside the Mindsets
Q1- How can we help make students’ struggles into experiences that foster resilience?
Q2- Use growth mindset to discuss ways to nurture feelings of confidence & self worth in our students.
Q3- How do our assessment practices foster growth or fixed mindsets?
Q4- How can we use growth mindset to encourage students to take responsibility for problems and “failures”?
Q5- How can we nurture the concept of “yet” discussed in this chapter with our students?
Q6- With a fixed mindset, we are afraid to take risks & expose deficiencies, creating what Barber calls “non-learners”. How can we help staff & students to take risks in their learning?
Chapter 3. The Truth About Ability and Accomplishment
Q1- How do our “learning skills and work habits” correlate with fixed or growth mindsets?
Q2- A culture of fixed mindsets around math are something that many schools are trying to change. When have you seen students, teachers or parents reinforce a fixed mindset in math?
Q3- How have you seen schools work to combat a culture of fixed mindsets in the area of math?
Q4- When we use labels such as ADD, OCD, Gifted, LD, how are they helpful, harmful or neutral?
Q5- How can we use the information in this book to support practices of equity and gap closing in education?
Chapter 4. Sports: The Mindset of a Champion
Q1- How would a coach or educator with a growth mindset approach situations like losing a game or making cuts from a team?
Chapter 5. Business and Leadership-
Q1- How can you support a co-worker who has a fixed mindset?
Q2- In what ways does your current workplace demonstrate a culture of growth or fixed mindset?
Q3- What unique qualities might you see in a school with leaders who have a growth mindset?
Q4- How can you use students who already demonstrate a growth mindset to support their peers?
Chapter 7. Parents, Teachers, and Coaches: Where Do Mindsets Come From?
Q1- What did your teachers/parents do that fostered a fixed or growth mindset in you?
Q2- What praise statements do you make when students do well that may reflect a fixed mindset?
What’s the hidden message? How could you change the statements to reflect a growth mindset.
Q3- We should all set high expectations, but sometimes the resulting messages make others afraid of disappointing you. How can we set high expectations while still inspiring learning?
Q4- Think of times you’ve been cautious about how you've spoken about failure because you were concerned about its effect on a child's self esteem. How could you have approached the situation to inspire growth mindset.
Q5- Have you used discipline to “teach your child a lesson”? What was the message you were hoping to convey? What was the message you did convey? How would you handle it now?
Chapter 8. Changing Mindsets-
Q1- What implications did this study this have for my practice?
Q2- How can we work with families & community partners to foster growth mindset in students?
Q3- What can we do to foster a school wide culture of growth mindset in our staff/students
Q4- What are some challenges that you may face in trying to change a culture with a fixed mindset?
This summer I took part in an international peer-shadowing program in New South Wales (NSW), Australia. The Leading Educators Around the Planet (LEAP)program is an innovative international leadership program that connects school leaders around the world in a collaborative peer shadowing and action-research experience.
I joined a group of close to 40 principals, vice principals and supervisory officers from Ontario who spent two weeks in NSW researching a specific area of focus linked to our school and board improvement plans and guided by the Ontario Leadership Framework. Although the majority of participants were from Ontario and NSW, our exchange also had a handful of participants from Finland, two from the United Kingdom and one from Nova Scotia.
During the exchange, visiting participants are matched one-on-one with school leaders in NSW. I was matched with a lovely deputy principal named Diane Read who works at Lindfield East Public School. While on exchange, you live with your partner and make a home base out of their school. From there you visit other schools, participate in organized professional learning and carry out your research.
I decided to jump-start my official exchange by spending the week prior in Queensland, Australia, visiting a former colleague who I met while she was on an exchange in Ontario teaching at my previous school. My choice to spend time in two very different areas of the country provided a varied lens into practices used in different states with extremely diverse communities.
My research was on the question “How do elementary schools in NSW implement targeted, evidence-based strategies to promote mental health and well-being, positive school climate, self-regulation and pro-social behaviour?”. I visited multiple schools to observe classes, look at data, and speak with school staff, parents, community partners and, of course, students. I also looked into the effects of programs that we were discussing on student engagement, student discipline and closing gaps in student achievement.
During professional learning sessions, I also had the opportunity to learn from leaders in international education such as Dr. Chris Sarra (Executive Director of the Indigenous Education Leadership Institute, which is based on his “Strong and Smart” philosophy) Jeff McMullin (journalist, author, film maker and honorary CEO of Ian Thorpe’s Fountain for Youth–Jeff has written, filmed and campaigned around the world to improve the health of Indigenous people through education), Rhonda Craven (Director, Institute for Positive Psychology and Education, Australia Catholic University), and Steven Heppell (Professor and international consultant on 21st century learning).
Now that I have returned and the jet lag is (mostly) gone and the learning is still fresh in my mind, I would like to share a few of the learnings that I brought home from my travels. Just to keep things interesting, some of my reflections will be professional and some will be more personal.
Nope, never, ever…it just doesn’t happen. In fact, in Australia shrimp are referred to as prawns.
2) Explicit teaching of resiliency promotes positive mental health
My home school Lindfield East used a program to explicitly teach social emotional well-being and resilience, with good results. The Bounce Backprogram, based on the premises of cognitive behavioural psychology, is comprehensive, research based and award winning. It integrates curriculum, quality literature, arts and technology, caters to multiple intelligences and incorporates many entry points for differentiation of learning. Unit topics include: core values, elasticity, bouncing back, courage, looking on the bright side, emotions, relationships, humour and bullying. Teachers can choose from hundreds of activities to build into their teaching.
In the program, the term “Bounce Back” is an acronym, with each point used as a common language around the school to guide students through their difficulties:
Bad times don’t last. Things always get better. Other people can help if you talk to them.Unhelpful thinking makes you more upset. Nobody is perfect – not you and not others. Concentrate on the positives (no matter how small) and use laughter. Everybody experiences sadness, hurt, failure, rejection and setbacks sometimes, not just you. They are a normal part of life. Try not to personalise them.
Blame fairly. How much of what happened was due to you, to others and to bad luck or circumstances? Accept what can’t be changed (but try to change what you can first). Catastrophising exaggerates your worries. Don’t believe the worst possible picture. Keep things in perspective. It’s only part of your life.
(taken from “Bounce Back”, Toni Noble & Helen McGrath)
During this school year, I intend to further explore the idea of integrating targeted lessons focused on developing resilience in our students.
3) Possums in Australia and opossums in Ontario are NOT the same animal!
My host Diane, mentioned a few times how cute the possums were that lived in her trees. As they are nocturnal and as someone who is terrified of Ontario opossums (who are often referred to as possums as well), I hadn’t actually seen one and I would politely nod my head during these discussions. One evening, after having this conversation again, I finally said, “We can’t be talking about the same animal, the ones at home are horrible looking!” With the assistance of my good friend Google, I discovered that in fact, we were not talking about the same animal, rather two animals with a similar name. Lesson learned, Australian possums are adorable (go ahead, Google away)!
4) PBL Programs use a clear framework to promote positive behaviour
PBL poster for the basketball court.
Positive Behaviour Engaging Learning is a research-based program which uses data collection within each school to identify focus areas. A committee (ideally staff, students and parents) then comes together to look at data and choose three positively-worded, concise expectations for the school (usually one to do with behavior, one to with learning and one to do with safety). The committee also develops a logo that is posted everywhere and spoken about widely by staff, students and parents. They then create anchor charts, defining each expectation. These are also posted and spoken about. Specific posters are made for each setting within the school where each expectation is further described within that setting (e.g. in the gym, stairway, washroom, outside, classroom…anywhere you can think of). Procedures for teaching and reinforcing these expectations are then developed. Within this framework, all students, staff, parents and visitors understand expectations and can talk about them and are expected to apply what they look like in different settings.
5)An Australian-English dictionary may have come in handy…but I’m not sure there is such a thing
I thought I was up on my Australian slang (g’day, Sheila, mate, bloke, reckon, give it a go), however, on more than one occasion, someone would say something and I would non my head in agreement, having no idea what they actually just said. As soon as I had Wi-Fi access, I would again turn to my trusty pal Google to translate these Aussie-isms. Here are a few examples:
6)We can learn a lot globally about21st Century learning models
Although it goes without saying, the face of education has changed drastically from when I was young (and I’d like to think that wasn’t really that long ago…please humour me). Changes in the global job market and rapidly changing technologies force us as educators to constantly redefine the way we look at preparing our students to function in a world that is very different from the one we grew up in. Combining quality teaching practices with a quality learning environment, and activities that have relevance to students are common foundations that will guide school planning.
After visits to schools such as Merrylands East and participating in workshops with Stephen Heppell where he discussed schools around the world that he has worked with, it became clear to me how innovative schools are becoming. Along with moving toward “out-of-the-box” models of education comes reports of decreased suspension rates, improved academic scores and increased attendance. Some of the global trends in this area include:
flexible, comfortable and moveable furniture and leaning spaces that support engagement and different types of learning
taking the student voice into account in school planning (making decisions about student learning and environment with the students, not to or for them)—this is often referred to as “voice and choice”
using various technologies
using project or inquiry based learning—this begins with a driving question that students then research, create, analyze and share their findings and creations, often globally
mixing age groupings (the concept of stage not age)
everything that is done in the school has relevance (some schools are eliminating textbooks and worksheets entirely, focusing again on teaching essential skills through quality teaching practices, quality learning environment and making tasks relevant and meaningful)
While looking closely at different models and trends, it is clear that there cannot be a “one size fits all” approach. Each school community is different and all stakeholders need to have input into changing educational models.
7) Who needs video games when you can drive in the Australian countryside?
Driving at dusk in the Australian countryside or outback, is like playing a live version of one of those race car games where you have to dodge things on the road…those things being kangaroos, wallabies and other wildlife. Between that, and driving on the left side of the road, I am thankful that I was just the passenger and that I made it back unscathed!
8) We’re on the right track in Ontario
When looking at ideas and strategies being implemented in NSW schools, there are enough similarities that you can imagine how you could take the idea home, slightly revise it and implement it to meet the needs of your own school. While discussing programs, practices and initiatives, I would often say, “we have/do that but it’s called something different”. I also often found myself saying, “You would love our ___ program” (insert program name). Having these conversations creates a real sense of pride for your own education system and also reinforces the feeling that we are on the right track from a more global perspective.
I can say with great certainty that taking part in an international research exchange has been the best professional development of my career, allowing me to fully immerse myself in a culture of reflection and dialogue that was directly focused on improving student outcomes. I look forward to continuing my learning during the second part of the exchange where my partner, Diane, will be staying with me to complete her own research during her next school holiday at the end of September. I am eager to repay her hospitality and show her some of the beautiful sights of our province as well as some of the fantastic programs that we run in the SCDSB!
As a vice-principal in the elementary system, I have an opportunity each year around this time to impart some principal-like advice to the graduating Grade 8s.
Elementary school graduation is a special milestone and marks the beginning of a new journey, full of exciting new opportunities. To quote the great philosopher and wise man Dr. Seuss in his literary masterpiece Oh The Places You’ll Go, “Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to great places! You’re off and away!!”
To parents, it probably seems like just yesterday that your little ones were off to their first day of Kindergarten and were reliant on you for their every need. Although some parents may be thinking that not a lot has changed, we all know that these little ones are no longer little. They are developing into reliable, trustworthy citizens who are beginning to make their mark in the world. Today is not only an end, it is also a beginning.
To students, at the end of Grade 8, when looking back at your time in elementary school, it always seems hard to believe how fast the time goes. The memories of the time that you spent in elementary school will be ones that you will continue to look back on and cherish throughout your lives. However, you will also have memories of the challenges that you have undergone during this time, just as there will continue to be mountains to climb and challenges to meet throughout your path in life.
There are many of you who seem to have wings that allow you to soar over the obstacles that cross your path. This ability to meet challenges with a positive attitude is a wonderful gift. However, not everyone soars over obstacles with such ease. Some of you are more comfortable using your feet to climb steadily toward your goals. This resiliency and focus will also serve you well as you forge your path through life.
Some of the memories that you have of your time in elementary school probably involve the wonderful opportunities that you seized, academic as well as social and extra-curricular. As you transition to high school, my advice is to continue soaring, continue boldly stepping forward to climb that mountain. You have the power to make the years that lie ahead of you phenomenal. I can assure you, as you move through your time in high school, the years will fly by even faster than your time in elementary school so make the most of each and every day.
For some of you the beginning of high school may be a fresh start. I urge you to continue to take advantage of all of the opportunities that come your way. Participate in as many activities and experiences as you can. Get involved, seize the chance to surround yourself with positive people who will enrich your life and focus on making choices that will help you to meet your goals.
I would like to leave you with a couple of final thoughts as you move into this exciting time in your lives. To paraphrase author Carl Bard, “You can’t go back and make a brand new start, but you can start today and make a new ending”. Although your parents and teachers can give you good advice and try to put you on the right path, in the end, where you go in life ultimately lies within you.
Today’s students live with change happening at a rapid pace, but as a result they are adaptive, creative and have the knowledge and determination to take on the world. So, to all of the students graduating next week, please remember, the next chapter of your life lies in front of you unwritten, unscripted, full of hope, promise and excitement. Peter Drucker said, “The best way to predict the future is to create it.” Whatever your future looks like, the education that you receive will propel you to anywhere you want to go.
Lastly, to remind you of who is writing that next chapter, a final Quote from Dr. Seuss, “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know and you are the one who’ll decide where to go.”
Always believe in yourself! And “Oh the Places You Will Go!”
As promised in my blog post A Day in the Life of an Elementary Vice Principal…Part 1, here is the second installment of what I hope to be a three-part series on the role of an elementary school administrator. Since my last Day in the Life blog in December, I am now working at a different school in a different community and have been busy getting to know the staff, students and families.
An exciting part of my new role, along with getting to know an entirely different school community, is that my new school, Alliston Union, is closing and re-opening in a new building in September. So, as the year winds down, many of the activities of my day involve planning for the closing the current building.
In reading the first and second blog post, you will likely notice many differences in a “typical” day of a school administrator, which was why I decided to write more than one post on this topic. Every day is full of new adventures, which is one of the reasons that I love my job! What a vice-principal in another community, or in a secondary school would write, would also be very different.
8 a.m. – Arrive at school, check staff absences and meet with staff to touch base on the various events of the day.
8:30 a.m. – Students arrive and classes begin. I help sign in students who have come in late and talking with parents…the office is always busy at this time.
9 a.m. – Meet with a representative of the local Rotary Club to discuss programs that they sponsor in the school. Specifically, we discussed implementing a new program next year, called Who is Nobody that has terrific links to the SCDSB character traits, community and self-esteem building. I accepted an invitation to attend the next Rotary meeting where I am looking forward to hearing testimonials from other schools about the impact of this program on their students.
9:30 a.m. – Walk around the school and visit each classroom.
10 a.m. – During recess time, I lead Grades 5-8 and Grades 1-4 choirs with a parent volunteer. We are working on a song that will be performed at the closing ceremony in June. This is one of the times during my week that I look forward to most because I get to make connections with a lot of the students and I love to experience their enthusiasm and eagerness!
11 a.m. – After recess, I get a call that one of our students with special needs is having difficulties in the classroom and needs a safe spot to cool down. He comes to my office and I’m eating a snack when he arrives so I offer him some. Having snack with me seems to distract him and, once he appears more calm, we talk abut why he was feeling upset, problem solve and do a bit of guided relaxation. Ordering some resources was on my “to do” list for the day, and the resources happen to be for a group that he will be involved in. He sits with me while I order the resources for a program called Superflex that one of the Special Education Resource teachers will be running with a small group of boys and we talk a bit about the program while I order.
12:10 p.m. – The student is ready to go back to his classroom, but is feeling anxiety around going back mid-class after leaving upset. I offer to walk back with him and he accepts. While I’m in the classroom, another student approaches me about not having a ride to school tomorrow. The class is going on a field trip which is departing the school prior to busing and she is a bus student. I return to the office, call her family and get permission to pick her up at home the following morning to bring her to school for the trip.
12:30 p.m. – I’m grateful that today is “Salad Day” for staff, since I gave away some of my lunch earlier. I go to the staff room and make a plate of salad, but get called back to the office almost immediately…the salad sits on my desk while I get back to work. I deal with some behaviour issues during recess, then take about 5 minutes to eat at the bell.
1:15 p.m. – I go to a Grade 7 room to teach a critical literacy lesson based on a music video. In my current role, I don’t teach each day like I did at my previous school, however, I still try to take time to visit classrooms and do activities with students.
2:10 p.m. – I return to the office and things are quiet so I read some memos and work on a schedule for our “tutor in the classroom”, who begins her role at the school the following week. Her job will be to support some of our Grades 3 and 6 classes with literacy and numeracy. I also work on re-vamping the invitation to our closing ceremony on June 19th as we had to reschedule the event which was initially planned for June 12 because of the announcement of the provincial election on that date.
2:50 p.m. – School ends and there are two meetings. My principal attends the monthly meeting for our educational assistant while I attend a meeting with a teacher and two mothers around a potential bullying issue between their children as well as interactions outside of the school that have occurred between their families. The meeting, which had the possibility of being contentious, ends up being very productive, and all parties leaving feeling positive.
3:50 p.m. – I leave the school and head to McDonald’s where I am volunteering for McHappy Day. I spend most of the event face painting for donations. It was great to see families from my school come out to support this cause. I also learned that I’m actually really good at painting Spider-Man! Proceeds from the event went to Ronald McDonald House, Stevenson Memorial Hospital, Matthews House Hospice and the Borden Family Resource Centre. Between the Alliston and Angus McDonalds locations, over $28,000 was donated to these causes!
7 p.m. – I make the drive home to Barrie feeling fantastic after having participated in such a positive event…and that was my day in the life of an elementary vice principal (part 2)!
I was made fun of for my academic ability, which made me stand out from my peers, and for my Romanesque nose (although that wasn’t the term the other kids used). I also had poor co-ordination and was extremely self-conscious participating in any type of competitive athletic activity. My well-meaning parents tried to develop my self esteem by enrolling me in outside activities such as dance lessons. But the lessons ended up being another source of taunting among some of my school mates who were in the same dance class.
To top it all off, I had a lot of trouble maintaining attention in the classroom. I worked hard and was eager to please, but I didn’t fit into the mold of a “conventional” learner. In Grade 4 I enrolled in a gifted program, but found that I still didn’t fit in. Although my language skills were well beyond my years, I was just as many years behind in my math skills. I didn’t feel like anyone understood me—teachers or other children. I was teased during gym class and would get what I referred to as a “math headache” each day.
The taunting from other students was hurtful. I felt embarrassed and excluded, and I felt like I didn’t have an adult at school who I could confide in. I still remember the names of the students that made the most frequent and hurtful comments, and how I felt waking up each day and dreading going to school.
Sadly, this is not a unique story. Thankfully, my story had a happy ending.
In high school, I was lucky enough to attend a school for the arts (think “Glee”) where my quirkiness was valued and I fit in with the eccentric group of students that embodied the culture of our school (FYI- my focus was music, obviously not dance!). In this setting, my confidence developed, I made many wonderful friendships and participated in a wide variety of activities, both within and outside of school. I moved past the negative experiences of my elementary years.
This is not the happy ending that all students experience.
Bullying is often dismissed as a normal childhood rite of passage, however, there is no denying that is detrimental to students’ academic, physical, social and emotional development. Students deserve to feel safe at school. Nearly all students are either targets, perpetrators and/or witnesses to bullying. It is a problem that affects nearly all students, educators and families in some way and as such, we all play a role in the solution.
What is bullying?
Physical or psychological intimidation which occurs repeatedly over time to create an ongoing pattern of harassment and abuse.
The behavior is intended to have the effect of (or the pupil ought to know that the behavior would likely have the effect of) creating a negative environment for another individual, causing harm, fear or distress to another individual.
Actions may be of a physical, verbal, emotional or sexual nature and may include behaviours such as ongoing teasing, name calling, taunting, threatening, exclusion, ostracism, harassment, manipulation of friendships or physical violence.
The behavior may also occur in a context where there is a real or perceived power imbalance based on factors such as size, strength, age, intelligence, peer group power, economic status, social status, religion, ethnic origin, sexual orientation, family circumstances, gender, gender identity, gender expression, race, disability or the receipt of special education.
Cyber bullying can be defined as sending or posting harmful or malicious messages or images through email, instant messages, cell phones and websites.
Examples of cyber bullying include: sending cruel, vicious or threatening messages, creating websites that contain stories, cartoons, pictures and jokes ridiculing others, posting pictures of classmates online with intent to embarrass them, breaking into an email or social media account and sending material to others, engaging in online messaging to trick another person into revealing sensitive or personal information and forwarding that information to others, or taking a picture of a person using a digital phone camera and sending that picture electronically to others without consent.
Why people bully
There is not one answer to this question; however, trying to determine a cause or combination of causes in each particular situation may be helpful when attempting to find the most appropriate solution.
Some pupils engage in bullying because they suffer from a lack of confidence, have low self-esteem or may have been bullied themselves.
Some bullying can be prejudice or identity based and is rooted in a lack of understanding and respect for diversity.
Some students who engage in bullying behaviour have more aggressive personalities combined with a low level of self-discipline and impulsivity.
Sometimes bullying occurs because a student is seeking attention or trying to impress their peer group.
In some, I like to believe more rare situations, students that bully may lack a sense of remorse and may even believe that the other person deserves the treatment they are receiving.
Although the impact is not any less significant, some pupils who engage in bullying behaviour may not intend to bully or even recognize the potential negative impact of their words and actions on others.
What to do if your child is being bullied
Listen, be supportive and empathetic, and gather information. Don’t blame your child, but also be aware that you are hearing one side of the story. Try to step back and check your emotions (this is obviously easier said than done). Ask them to describe who was involved, who witnessed the situations and how and where each bullying episode happened.
Tell them that bullying is wrong and that you are glad he or she had the courage to tell you about it. Never tell your child to ignore the bullying. If your child were able to simply ignore it, they likely wouldn’t be coming to you for help.
Ask questions about what happened such as, “What do you think you can do if this happens again?”
If you disagree with how your child handled the bullying situation, don’t criticize them but continue to ask questions that may guide them toward a different response such as “What do you think is going to happen if you do that?”
Ask your child what they think can be done to help. Although it is difficult, try not to pass judgment or take on the problem as your own right away. Your child needs to feel empowered to come up with and act on their solutions, this is a skill that will last a lifetime!
Do not encourage physical retaliation as a solution. This is not likely to end the problem and could escalate the situation.
If you have made attempts to coach your child and the problem continues, it is time to report it to an adult at the school. If they are coming home more than once a week with complaints, don’t wait. Start by setting up an appointment with the classroom teacher where you will have their full attention, do not just mention it in passing. Most students who bully know better than to do it in front of staff members and the teacher may be unaware of the situation, so come prepared to provide details including who, what, when, where and how. Let them know the impact that the bullying is having on your child. Later, you can check in via email or phone.
Expect the bullying to stop. Talk regularly with your child and with school staff to see whether it has stopped and, if not, ask to meet with school administration about your concerns. Let them know that you spoke with the teacher and your child is still coming home with the same complaint. Ask what you should do and what the next step at school is, and continue to reassure your child that you are working with the school to remedy the situation.
Communication is crucial! Maintain positive, regular and open dialogue with the school and let them know that you want to work with them to help your child as well as any other victims or bystanders that are being affected. We all play a part in the solution to bullying and working together is often the key for successful outcomes for our students.
How to deal with cyber bullying
Being proactive is the first step. You are your child’s first and best teacher. Model and teach respectful and responsible internet usage.
Make sure your children understand what cyber bullying is and that anything they post or send is permanent and can be made public.
Set up the family computer in an open area, set expectations and consider utilizing parental controls.
Teach your child to not reply to or forward inappropriate or hurtful messages that they receive (whether about them or someone else) and to report them to an adult.
Instruct them not to erase or delete messages.
If they are able, block that person from sending messages.
If your child is the victim of cyber bullying, print a copy of the messages or come to school prepared to log in and show the messages to a school administrator. The principal or vice principal will work with you to address the situation.
If physical threats are made or the bullying escalates, inform your local police. The school can also involve their community police liason.
If necessary, get a new phone number, account or email address and give it out to only one person at a time.
What if your child is the bully?
Would you know if your child were bullying others? How would you react if you got that call from the school that no parent wants to receive? Maybe you yourself have been uneasy about how your child interacts with others. However it comes to light, your response sets the tone for the outcome of the situation. Your response can escalate the situation or it can create a valuable learning opportunity for your child.
The first step is to manage your natural emotional reaction to either blame or defend your child. Remember, this is a description of behavior that your child is experiencing at the moment but does not define them as a person, nor is it who they will be forever if you work with them to get help.
There are many reasons why children bully and that you may not be aware of it. It does not mean that you are a bad parent. Take a deep breath—or 20—and begin to gather information.
Although it may not be your first reaction, thank the person who contacted you. It’s not an easy subject to broach, and showing them that you are eager help change the situation makes all the difference. Next, take time for yourself to process and formulate a plan for speaking to your child.
Calmly ask your child what happened. Ask questions and gather as many of the details as you can. Let them know that we all make mistakes and that you need to know all of the information.
If they see that you remain calm, they are more likely to provide accurate responses. If they can only tell you what the other child did, tell them that you want to hear the whole story but you want to hear what they did first.
Even if your child has a different story that the other parent or school staff may not be aware of, your primary job is to help your child take responsibility for their actions and find strategies to help them in the future. Explain that whatever happened, you will help them to get through it.
Try to determine underlying factors that may have led up to this particular situation (some examples may include anger, teasing, insecurity or lack of awareness of the impact of their behavior).
Model conflict resolution skills and help your child to develop strategies that will help them moving forward. The strategies that you teach them will be different depending on the factors that you feel are contributing to the behavior. Make your expectations clear about what is acceptable and not acceptable and explain what will happen if the bullying continues.
Role play different situations with your child where they play the part of both bully and victim. Provide positive feedback and recognition when your child deals with conflict well, shows empathy to others or uses positive coping strategies to manage their emotions.
If your child is involved in ongoing situations of bullying, know that it won’t “just go away” on its own. Communicate with the school to help you to connect you and your child with community supports such as counseling services. Go to the doctor who will rule out any underlying issues such as anxiety, depression, impulsivity or difficulty reading social cues. Be realistic but optimistic. It takes time to change behavior but with understanding and patience, it can be changed.
Tips for school staff
School staff should not wait until a situation arises to approach the topic of bullying. There are countless ways to be proactive about addressing bullying in schools and classrooms.
Sharing your own experiences and how you were impacted helps students to know that you understand and will take their concerns seriously should they need someone to turn to.
Plan activities that develop a safe supportive community where students get to know each other and respect each others’ differences. Within this environment, emphasize the interconnectedness of the community and encourage them to think about how their actions affect others (both positively and negatively).
When bullying does occur, here are some steps for staff to follow:
Listen and affirm using statements such as “You were right to get help from an adult” or “I’m glad you asked for help with this”
Gather information using questions such as “Tell me more about what happened”, “Has this happened before?” and “Who saw what happened and how did they respond?”. Another key question is, “Are you telling me this is to get someone in trouble or to keep someone safe?” (reporting vs. tattling)
Determine what the child needs to feel safe, counsel them on what to do if the bullying continues and assure them that you will take action.
Continue to gather information from the bully as well as from any witnesses.
Take action by the asking the student to stop the behaviour, explaining why it is wrong and how it impacts others (or better yet, facilitate a safe conversation between the people involved, including witnesses, so they can explain the impact). Ask them what they think they need to do to remedy the situation ensure that they follow through with this plan.
Communicate with families to inform them of the situation and steps that have been taken.
Follow up by checking in to determine the success of the intervention.
Refer the situation to an administrator if it involves hands on, threats or repeated behavior.
School-wide approaches
In order to combat bullying, we must shift the culture of our schools and of our communities. Positive school climate involves a social environment that promotes positive interactions, an emotional environment that promotes self-esteem and belonging and an academic environment that promotes learning. In general terms, it refers to the overall “feel” of a school.
Programs that focus on developing positive school climate get results because they take a proactive approach to bullying prevention. They are focused on school-wide student engagement rather than interventions. As a result, relationships become founded in respect, kindness and inclusion, and are modeled by the majority.
Positive and proactive system and school-wide approaches to bullying include:
Utilizing a climate survey and other data to assess needs and drive school approaches and policies within each school
Including students in the delivery and development of school-wide initiatives
Programs that address both risk and protective factors
Pro equity and inclusion practices that ensure all students feel represented, safe and able to succeed
Developing student leadership programs within the school (e.g. Peer Mentors, Conflict managers)
Working in partnership with community partners to implement programming (e.g. ‘Roots of Empathy’, “VIP”, “DARE”, Big Brothers/Sisters in School Mentoring and Counselling Services)
Including healthy lifestyle initiatives in classes and co-curricular offerings
Working together with staff, parents and students to create a consensus on the definition of bullying, clarify behavioral norms, and communicating and consistently enforcing school rules and expectations
Classroom teachers who promote inclusive, caring learning environments and allow time for discussions about difficult topics
Focusing on positive climate initiatives beginning in the primary grades to establish norms that students grow up with
Creating a team that is representative of the school community to make sure that all voices are heard when establishing programming. Members may include educators, community members, students and parents
Incorporating lessons and discussions that support social and emotional development into the curriculum
Recognizing that all students are negatively affected by bullying and empowering bystanders to intervene
Building healthy student-teacher connections where staff model behaviors of respect and inclusion and hold students accountable to meet school wide expectations
How to develop a resilient child
Schools and parents can also function with a common goal of developing resiliency in our children and youth. The ability to “bounce back” from a negative situation is a skill that can be taught and nurtured. When we teach this early, we provide skills that will last a lifetime!
Some strategies to develop resiliency in our children include:
Maintaining open communication
Recognizing and helping them build a belief in their positive attributes, especially those that they may not recognize or take for granted
Helping to develop talents and confidence by facilitating activities based on their interests
Encouraging the development of positive relationships and social skills by enabling interaction with peers, both from school and from outside of the school environment
Modelling optimism, even when times are tough. These are excellent opportunities to teach problem solving skills!
Modelling and talking about positive self care skills and healthy habits related to diet, exercise, sleep and other lifestyle related factors
Teaching them how and from whom to seek help when they are feeling threatened
Discussing goals and helping to break them down into manageable steps so that they can be successful
Modelling and helping them to do something good for someone else. Science has shown that when we help others, our serotonin levels increase!
Use humour as a strategy to help get through times of challenge
Bullying is a complex issue that requires courage to address and, although dealing with this problem can be complex, it is not a subject that can be ignored. Working together in partnerships, school staff, parents, students and communities can make positive changes to the climate of our schools and improve the educational experiences of our students.
